Laurel does the "Forbiden Fruit The Tempation of Edward Cullen" Drinking Game
Drinking: Cherry Pepsi
Reasons for doing this: I don't know. Why did I do the MI one? No clue. Maybe bragging rights? It seems like these "games" are more like an Internet rite of passage. After all, you can't be an Internet snark-monster without at least reading My Immortal.
Notes, Pre-Game: Feeling okay. Stomachache from earlier today is just a bad memory, so I'm doing this to kill time. I'm just hoping it doesn't end up like the time I did the My Immortal one, ran out of Pepsi (24 oz bottle), had to use water, and had to refill it numerous times, almost vomited and risked water poisoning. This one is only eight chapters long, so I'm a bit more optimistic about it.
Doin' good. I stopped to eat halfway through, but I managed to finish the chapter. Not a lot of my Pepsi is gone. In this chapter, we are introduced to a Mary Sue named Atlantiana, who is PURRDY. She's an orphan, noes, and she just moved in with some foster parents in Forks. Did I mention that she was pretty? Okay, so I did. She looks at Ewdard Cullen in the cafeteria, who is also PURRDY, but has Bella hanging over him like "a flesh-eating plant." I shit you not.
Not as well now. You see, I've been keeping the bottle of Pepsi close to my mouth and drinking as I see a Drinkin' Point ™. As I read the mistake, I drink. Problem is, I read fast, so I drank two gulps in the same few seconds or so and ended up regurgitating.I took a huge gulp for "man-carrot", because it was there, and also for "CAMPIRE". I also had to leave post to serve the overlords while I was writing this chapter synopsis. Anyways, in this chapter, Ewdard feels up Atlantiana in the hallway. He calls her a Campire, then they fight. Then Atlantiana beats up Eric Yorkie (who is apparently blond in this story) for LOOKING AT HER.
YAR! I feel okay, actually. I texted Hailey a few times during this chapter, but she hasn't texted me back since I told her what I was doing. Her loss. So, this chapter begins with a chap named Mike Nooton ringing Atlantiana. Atlantiana calls him shallow, but Mr. Nooton seems set on taking this bitchy Mary Sue to La Plush with him. Atlantiana agrees, because even though she's a tough-as-nails, anger-management needing prick chick, and she's pretty much the author, even she can be OOC in this monstrosity. After the Nooton incident, the foster parents of this heaping pile of gawfik shat leave her alone with a man named Uncle Larry, who is fat and therefore evil, because pretty is good and ugly is the devil. I will now be referring to Uncle Larry as Uncle Bitchtits or Uncle Creepy for the rest of this… thing. Anyways, Uncle Bitchtits forces Gawf-Hoe to wash his car, then he rapes her. Why? I dunno, for the lulz, I guess. So… Atlantiana beat the living snot out of a guy for looking at her, but she gets raped and does NOTHING? *headdesk* After that she sees her long-lost dad in a dream, who, you guessed it, is also PURRDY. Anyways, chapter was hella long.
YAY we get to see some characters that were in the original Twilight! WAIT. Is this story so bad that I'm actually excited for Twilight characters? FUUUUUUUUU! So in this chapter, Emohoe goes to La Push with Mike Nooton, but she angsts about Uncle Larry and her dad, and Bella and Company pick on her, so the author can show that they're despicable bitches (They actually call her a "RAT HOOKER", which is hilarious and should be a band name. Rat Hooker, live in concert! WOOT!). Then she runs away, BAWWing a lot, and meets some more gawf chicks named Tympani, Abilgirl, and Rochelle, who must have gotten separated from Coach, Ellis, and Nick and ended up in a shitty Twilight fic. They all talk, then Ewdard comes back. Tiana wants to have the secks with him, but he runs away like a puss. The hoe goes home and gets raped by Uncle Asshole. Laurel is almost out of Pepsi, and is starting to speak in the third person.
I destroyed the Pepsi early on in this chapter, and then switched to tap water. I then decimated one third of a Pepsi bottle full of water (roughly 8 oz ) before this shitfest of a chapter was through. Anyways, in this chapter, there is a talent show in Forks High. The Bitch Squad, aka Bella and Co., always wins it because they're popular. Someone signs Tiaawhore up anonymously for the lulz. She turns on the GODMODE and wins the whole damn competition like a boss. Ewdard drives by and takes her home, and then talks to her about how much he LOVIES HER. She pisses in his cereal and hits him because of the incident where he ran away crying when she told him to screw her. She goes home and emos it up with a razor.
Oh my Lord, everything in this chapter makes me laugh so freaking hard. Anyways, another third of my water is gone. So, Tiana writes a poem about Ewdard, sees her father (He tells her that she has a curse and that if she sexes Ewdard up she'll turn into a vampire, which, uh, would happen to a normal human too.) and gets raped by Uncle Bitchtits again. He calls her a "moldy slut" (I'm serious), and then gets his ass beat by Ewdard. He reads the poem and is all, "LAWL OMG SO PURDY WORDS ILU TIANA." They screw. Ewdard pusses out again and runs away. Bitchtits comes back and Tiana MESSES HIS SHIT UP FOR REALS because she's a vampire now. Best chapter by far, although it's far from well-written.
I refilled my emptied water and am now on my third bottle. Anyways, Tiana goes to school as a vampire. In the woods, she meets an epic panda named Snoofles and learns that she can summon flowers. At school, the Bitch Squad does not let up, even though she's even prettier now than before. She beats up Lauren like a boss and makes her get struck by freaking lightning. Tiana seems to have a thing for killing people whose names begin with L, specifically ones who don't treat her like Jesus with titties. Should I be scared? Maybe. Am I laughing too hard to be scared? You bet your sweet biscuits. So, Tiana angsts it up and then Ewdard comes by. He stops being a puss and makes up his mind to love Tiaa. They screw, with handcuffs. Bella walks in like Dumbledore (My Immortal, hellz yeah) and calls them Rodent-People. Laurel gets a stomach-ache.
HELL YES! THE LAST CHAPTER!!!! Anyways, in this chappy, Tiana skips school and "smokes drugs." Then her foster dad is an oblivious asshole. She takes some "pills (of drugs)" (I'm not making this up.) and goes to a goth bar with Snoofles, the panda. Jasper shows up and tells her- he's GAY! But she's all, "LOL, thass alright, Snoofles is gay too!" So they leave the bar in Snoofles' car(!) and Jasper, Snoofles, and some random human named Vince (Who may or may not be "Vincent", a reviewer who the author mentioned as giving a bad review and being a flamer.). They screw in that back seat while Tiana drives, and then Tiana gets kidnapped by Jacob for making Bella sad and emo by perving on Ewdard. Jacob has a nasty flashlight. He ties up Tiana and tries to rape her, but Ewdard comes in and saves the day. And then it's done.
Notes, Post-Game: I have to pee sooo. FREAKING. BAD! I finished the game and am now on the turrlet. I think I just had the longest pee ever, but at least I'm not vomming like during the MI game. The final count was three 24-oz Pepsi bottles, two of water and one of Pepsi. I don't think this was as bad as the My Immortal one, because It was short. I'm also not dead. So that's good too.